How easy it is for people to raise my hopes, so high that I feel am at the top of the world… and then dash them. It feels like a bucket of cold water thrown on the hot red ambers. I seethe… How mercilessly they crush my dreams just when I am almost there… To take away everything from me after giving me wings.
Happiness is an illusion to me, never stays. It aches. I can feel my soul being ground. I want to let go... So tired of fighting. I want to give up and just run away from here… somewhere far away… from people I know… from life.
Everyday breaks me down inside. I am trying to keep up but somewhere in the midst of it all I lost. Lost myself. Period.
Life’s overrated. I wish I was dead. Better dead than rotting in this place. Everyday. Hated. I wish I had the strength to end it all. To relieve myself from this pain, to put myself out of this misery. Can anyone hear my heart breaking? I am weary of trying to come up to everyone’s expectations. For once I want to be alive, for me. Only.
I want to abandon all of this, to be on my own and wander alone. I don’t want to be bound up in all these hopes, wishes, and dreams anymore. I feel so constricted even strangled and struggling for breath. I am such a mess. I am not perfect. I do what I can, honest to God, I try but it turns out that’s never enough. Sigh...
But, I being poor, have only my dreams...
And I have spread my dreams under your feet...
Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams...
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